If you are reading this, THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time out to hear my voice and my story.
Let me introduce myself- my name is Amy Louise Cash. I’m 33 years wise and I love my life so dearly, although if you met me two years ago that would be a different story.
You see, 2 years ago I was living in a life of hell. I woke every morning with a ball of anxiety in my stomach, thinking that it had been this way for 16 years and it must just be ‘the way I am’ and that I had to accept it. I lived completely in a place of constant fear. I cared so much what people thought of me and the decisions I would make in my life. I ‘needed’ everyone to like me which meant I was a constant people pleaser, always putting everyone else before me so that everyone would like me. I felt so unloveable and unworthy of love and never thought I would be ‘good enough’ for a lifelong partner. You name it and basically that was me! It was exhausting and sometimes debilitating.
Coming into my 20’s, I became very disrespectful toward my body. Going out partying, doing drugs and sleeping with different men all the time. Firstly, to numb the pain I was in and secondly, to feel ‘loved’ — even for just 5 minutes. I was searching for love in the wrong places and my self worth was diminishing more and more every time.
Then one day, something shifted FOR me. I found this workshop online that I thought would help me with my then current business... (I was a hairdresser for 16 years) Little did I know, the workshop I walked into was all about me. Little did I know, that day was going to be the day my life changed forever.
I was told that I had to stand in front of a room and say “My name is Amy and what I’m hiding and most afraid to share is.....” I nearly died at that thought.
When they told me this, I was sick to the stomach. I was thinking of every other story I could possibly make up and tell so I didn't have to speak my truth. I was planning to escape the room. But what happened when it finally came around to me was that, the thing that had been holding me back for all these years, was the thing that had to come out of me that day.
You see, when I was 16 years old I was raped by two men. I moved out of home at that same age, I chose to go underage nightclubbing two weekends in a row (because I grew up dancing professionally and to go out nightclubbing sounded so much fun). The second weekend I did this was a different experience to the first.
The second weekend we didn't even go to a nightclub, we got off the train and the girl I was with wanted to meet up with some guys she had met the weekend before. When we started walking to meet them I got my first intuitive hit of ‘this doesn’t feel good for me’. We walked to the end of the street where my friend jumped straight in the car with three men. In that moment I knew it wasn't good yet I got in the car because I didn't know what else to do. I was scared, worried and fearful, yet I went into the car anyway.
We went back to a flat/bottom level apartment where they poured me a drink and after that I blacked out. At two different times I came to with different men raping me. I didn't even think I would come out of there alive.
That day changed my life. I became very withdrawn, I started hating myself, I didn't think I was pretty, I thought I would only ever be good for ‘one thing’ from a man, that I would never be good enough for anything or anyone. I was living in constant fear in every area of my life and it was so horrible.
So the day I shared this in that room, I felt like I let a demon come out of my body. I literally felt like I just set myself free. Free to finally be me. I let go of the thing that I was allowing to rule my life. I stopped playing the victim to it and chose to face it head on.
I share this with you because in the last two years I have completely changed my life. From being a victim to my past and feeling sorry for myself, to turning my pain into my power and my mess into my message to the world.
I now travel the world holding international Self Love and Breathwork Workshops. I hold online programs where I help people who struggle with Self Love, Self Worth, Self Acceptance and I help them to move through old trauma and stories that are holding them back so that they can create a life that they literally cant get enough of.
Through my pain, I have come to a place where I am so grateful for it all. Grateful that this experience, that didn't happen TO me but happened FOR me, because without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be traveling the world sharing my story with others and helping others heal their pain while I continue to heal mine.
I no longer wear different masks, to act like I have it all together and I live every day in my truth, however that looks, stepping straight into fear when it presents itself to me. I am unapologetically me. So I share this with you in hope to help you know that you too can live from a very authentic place. A place where you can be and express yourself as the beautiful unique person that you are no matter what your past looked like, no matter what you have been through.
If you are reading this and have been through a trauma like this one or any other one, I would love to share with you a couple of things that really helped me move through all of this.
Firstly, I would say- That “thing, the secret” you have been keeping inside of you. Speaking it out is the first step toward freedom, sharing it with your people, your support network. This is the start of releasing the shame and the guilt you have been carrying with you all this time. This is what set me free.
Secondly, Awareness- awareness of the thoughts and words you are speaking to yourself on a day to day basis. This is what is creating your future. When you look in the mirror what do you say to yourself? Is it, “I hate how I look” or is it “ I love me, I celebrate me”. Every cell in our bodies is literally listening to every thought you have and every word you are saying, so allow yourself to be aware of that.
Thirdly- and this is the game changer....Care enough about yourself to Invest in yourself. By doing so, you get to constantly face off with the fears and blocks that are holding you back from your greatness. This is SELF LOVE.
We get to be grateful for every piece of our puzzle, the good, the bad and the ugly because it all has brought us to this now moment.
Amy Louise Cash is a Self Love Empowerment Coach, International Speaker, Breathwork Healer and Leader of Love.
She has an immense passion for helping others who struggle with Self Doubt and who Lack Confidence by moving through trauma and blocks so that they can create a life they can not get enough of. She coaches men and women One on One, through her International Workshops, Online Programs and the unique practice of Breathwork. She also writes a weekly Dose of Self Love which gets mailed directly to your inbox!
Facebook: Amy Louise Cash
Links & Events: Self-Love Workshops